


I Can't Be Until I Feel Your Touch

by Polarnacht



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood-centric, Anal Sex, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Claiming, Collars, Dom Jace Wayland, Dom/sub Undertones, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Marks, Mild Blood, Oral Sex, Parabatai, Pining, Possessive Jace Wayland, Possessive Sex, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Sexual Tension, Sub Alec Lightwood, parabatai love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:42:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26815297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht
Summary: When Magnus breaks up with Alec, Alec spirals downwards. Believing he is not worthy of love, he seeks outer pain to deal with his inner. Something that doesn’t escape Jace’s attention. When Jace sees Andrew flirting with Alec, he cannot keep his own feelings for Alec boxed any longer. Finally the boys admit their feelings and they get together. Now Jace only has to find a way to keep Alec’s demons at bay and make Alec truly believe that what they have is real and forever.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 36
Kudos: 291





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to Jessa for being my beta again 💙💙💙
> 
> A huge thank you to Nadja_Lee and Regina Danica for the banner in chapter 1 and a huge thank you to Windy for the banner in chapter 2 💙💙

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Regina Danica and Nadja_Lee for the amazing story banner 💙💙💙

It was early morning, dawn had not yet settled in fully. The Institute lay quiet in the darkness that soon would give way to the sun and its light. Alec sighed when his bare feet hit the cold concrete floor. It had been weeks since the sun had risen for him. He knew he had made a mistake. He had chosen politics over Magnus. He had known even back then that this was a mistake, but he had not found a solution that hadn’t felt like one. He had so badly wanted to impress his parents, to show them that he was a good and capable leader. He had wanted to make them proud. And he truly had feared that giving the information about the stolen Soul Sword away would have led to a panic amongst the Downworld or a rebellion, nothing the Shadow World could have survived. Not with Valentine and a possible war dangling over their heads. 

He hadn’t wanted to bring Magnus into the position of having to go against him, Alec, or lying to his people, so he had lied himself. A mistake. And of course, he had not been forgiven, as he had never been forgiven for any mistake he had ever made in his life. Magnus had broken up with him, in a moment he had needed him dearly. He had still felt the taste of loss on his tongue, the possible loss of his baby brother Max, when Magnus had told him it was over. Over before it truly had begun. He had seldom felt so alone, standing in front of his brother’s sickroom where Max lay covered under white sheets that matched the pale color of his skin. 

Alec had done everything to please Magnus, to make himself loveable. He had come out in front of his parents, his whole family and parts of the Clave, even though he had not really been ready. Maybe he would have never been ready, but it had been too soon. He just had started to truly accept the fact that he was gay and that this would never change. But he had done it anyway. He had wanted to know how Magnus’ lips felt against his, he had wanted to know how Magnus would look at him with an expression of care in his eyes. He had tried to be cool, the person someone like Magnus wanted. He had gone on dates, he had pretended to like alcohol, pretended to like to be in fancy bars and top-class restaurants. He had tried so hard. Yet, he had failed again. He had pushed himself over many hurdles, just to see the warmth in Magnus’ eyes, just to be worthy of Magnus’ love. In the end, he hadn’t been and Magnus had ended things. 

With another sigh Alec stepped out of his room into the cold hall, heading towards the hopefully empty training center. When he opened the door to step in, he was relieved to find it exactly that. He was glad that nobody was there, but besides him, who would be so crazy as to train at the crack of dawn? He had left his bow in his room, he didn’t plan to use it. He wanted to punch something, he wanted to feel the impact of each blow with his whole body. He wanted to feel the rough fabric of the punching bag against his bare knuckles. He wanted to feel himself bleed. The external pain a welcome distraction from his inner one. 

The pain felt cleansing and Alec watched entranced by the way the bag changed its color from the original light grey to a darker one on the spots where his fists connected with the fabric, leaving dark trails of first sweat and then soon also blood behind. The skin of his bare knuckles had broken after the first few blows and the sting that emanated from it was more than welcome. His breathing stayed leveled, even when he increased the pace. He got lost in the rhythm of altering his punches until the pain spread through his body completely, taking over his mind so that only this pain was left and nothing else. No accusations, no shame, no heartache. Just clean, bodily pain.

His breathing picked up pace, but he was still calm and he was just about to level up his game when he felt a tug in his side. The Parabatai rune had awoken, sending small vibes of unease and concern towards him. “Jace,” he thought, a rush of guilt running through him. Damn it. He was not done, he was far from done. He needed more time to drain himself fully and feel at least a little alive. But he couldn’t go on, not when Jace was about to find him. So Alec stopped instantly, heading back to the door where he had thrown his belongings carelessly to the side. He dropped to his knees, searching frantically for his stele in his jacket while he felt Jace coming nearer. 

He needed to heal his hands before Jace arrived. The last thing he wanted was to worry him. Jace had to worry about enough things on his own without adding Alec to the list. Valentine, Clary… though Alec had been relieved that Jace had taken the news that Clary was his sister way better than he had predicted. After a short moment of shock, Jace had accepted it, confiding in Alec that something had never felt quite right with Clary. It seemed he had just mixed up brotherly feelings with others.

Alec sighed for the third time this day, this time in relief when his hands clasped around his stele. With practiced moves he drew an Iratze on each hand, the last glow of the healing runes vanishing just when the door to the training center opened and a familiar figure entered the room. Jace. He still looked sleepy, his hair tousled and he wore only a hoodie over his sweatpants, no shirt underneath that left Alec wondering if he had slept naked. Alec bit his lip, the image that rose in his head both unwanted and desired at the same time.

“Alec,” Jace said softly, his concern bleeding through their bond and into this one syllable. “Show me where you are hurt.” The last part was less soft, it was clearly a command Jace expected to be followed.

“I’m fine, Jace, no need to worry. I was just training. I’m fine.” Alec blushed lightly at the lie, hoping Jace would not look too closely at the punching bag. His hands had healed but the traces of his blood still covered the bag, visible for everyone who cared to look. Jace’s eyes were fixed on his though, sensing the lie, figuring out what to do. 

“Fine,” Jace repeated with a huff, clearly not buying it. Alec had to bite his lip again to stifle the moan that wanted to escape his mouth when Jace stepped closer, settling down beside him and gentle hands took his own and Jace brushed over his healed knuckles. Jace’s thumb felt rough against his new, pinkish skin and it sent shivers down Alec’s spine. It had always been like this. One touch of Jace could set him on fire, could burn him from the inside to the outside. “Oh Alec,” Jace sighed grimly , pulling him into a hug. “If you want, I’ll kill him for you. You just have to say the word.” 

For a moment Alec let himself be embraced by Jace and his light; by the warmth only his Parabatai could offer. For a moment he closed his eyes, taking in the way Jace’s body felt against his; the way he smelled soft and sweet like he only did just right after sleep. Then he drew away, knowing too well that he didn’t deserve the comfort, that he didn’t deserve Jace. Not when he still wanted him in every way that was forbidden, now even more than before Magnus. “I told you I’m fine,” Alec repeated the lie, bracing himself for another day in the darkness. The second time the lie went easier over his lips.

Jace just looked at him with his wide mismatched eyes and silently shook his head. Alec drew in a breath, half hoping Jace would insist; that he would push until he broke. Part of him hoped he would let it slide. The second won but when Jace turned around and gestured to him to follow, to head for breakfast, he tasted the feeling of loss again on his lips.

* * *

_Alec was running. He was running though he couldn’t see where he was, as everything surrounding him was pitch black, no source of light visible. He was running though he didn’t even know where he was running to, he couldn’t even tell if he was running from something or towards something. He just knew he had to run as his current state was no place to be. He ran faster, his lungs burning, his pulse pounding in his ears while his eyes searched for something, for any clue as to where he might be, for any ray of sun, light, hope - anything. He stumbled and lost his footing when he finally saw the light and suddenly it didn’t matter if he ran from something or towards something, because the light was there and that was all that mattered._

Before he knew if he truly fell and hit the ground, or if he was caught by the light, Alec awoke with a scream on his lips. 

His breathing was ragged, his hair damp like he truly had run and he still felt his blood pulsating in his ears. His chest hurt with a pain that came not from running, it was a pain deep from within. He blinked feverishly to keep the tears at bay while he shoved one hand in his mouth to muffle the scream that still wanted to fall out. Jace. Even in his dreams, especially in his dreams, it was always Jace who saved him. Jace who was there to catch him, Jace who had his back. Jace who offered light to his darkness. Jace who was his Parabatai, their souls pledged together so that their hearts couldn’t be. It had always been Jace and it would always be Jace. 

It was hard to lie to himself when Alec was awake. It was even harder when he was asleep, and so his dreams showed it to him mercilessly. Alec had been so busy trying to be loved by Magnus, that he had forgotten to contemplate if Magnus was the one he himself loved. Alec knew the answer now and the answer hurt. Because he was certain Jace would never love him back. Not in the way he wanted and needed him to love him. And rightly so. Alec was not worthy of his love. He had not been worthy of Magnus' love. He was just not worthy. 

Days passed, merging together in a foggy blur. Sometimes Alec couldn’t tell if it was night or day, if he had just woken up or should go to bed. He tried to keep everything together. He shielded his people from the Clave, tried to find the Soul Sword, tried to protect the Downworld from Valentine and Jonathan. Whenever he felt he was no longer able to keep himself together, he hit the training room. Always alone, always at the crack of dawn or at nightfall. He tried to be more cautious, tried to close his side of the bond more rigidly so that Jace wouldn’t feel his pain. But as much as he tried, he felt Jace’s eyes linger on him a little longer than normal, a worried expression in them. 

Jace was by his side more than usual, especially after the time Clary and also Magnus had driven them apart a little. As much as Alec craved this closeness, he sometimes nearly could not bear it. To see the looks and have to remind himself that they didn’t mean what he wanted them to mean. Feeling Jace’s touch, knowing it was just brotherly, and nothing else. But what probably scared Alec the most was that Jace seemed to sense his pain even though he tried to lock it up deep inside him, in a corner of himself not even Jace’s light could illuminate. And he didn’t just seem to sense his pain, he also knew what Alec needed. 

They trained more often together, mostly without weapons, with bare hands, bare chests and more naked skin than Alec could cope with. And Jace went hard on him. He punched and kicked at him without mercy, leaving Alec breathless, spent and bruised. Usually it ended with Alec pinned to the floor, Jace above him, holding him down with all his body weight and all his force, his hands leaving purple fingerprints on Alec’s wrists. When Jace lay on top of him, panting his demand to yield in Alec’s ear, holding him down just these tiny moments longer than strictly necessary when Alec complied, Alec really had to remind himself that this was just training and nothing else. But he couldn’t help but think that these moments were the ones he felt alive the most - or alive at all. 

Afterwards, he stole shy glances at his bruised wrists or hips. Unable to shake off the feeling that he loved those marks, that he wanted them to stay on his skin for him to touch. And to see; to feel that he was real and alive - and Jace’s.

“Alec. You’re okay?” Jace had rolled off him, panting, his cheeks and eyes flushed. He looked at Alec a little concerned, as Alec hadn’t moved an inch so far, enjoying too much the feeling of Jace on top of him; it lingered as long as he didn’t move. 

Alec sighed silently at being forced to pull himself out of his trance. But he didn’t manage more than a nod, suddenly too tired; too drained when the impact of the loss crashed over him. He nearly moaned when he felt Jace’s caring hands on his naked skin, caressing the bruises and black and blue marks. The soft brush of fingertips made Alec’s body light up in a way he hadn’t known possible, setting his skin on fire. 

“Here. Let me take care of you.” Jace’s voice was as soft as his touches and it unravelled something in Alec. He wasn’t sure if he could or should pull it back together again. He craved Jace’s soothing hands, the featherlight touches that made him tingle all over. Yet, he wanted the marks to stay. 

He bit his lip and looked away, it was nothing he could voice. It was a messed up request, a messed up need just as messed up as he himself was and something Jace shouldn’t see. But Jace sensed his reluctance. With a firm grip he took Alec’s chin and forced him to look at him, a gleam in his eyes next to the concern Alec could clearly read. The gleam Alec couldn’t decipher though he would give his left arm to know what it meant. If it meant anything at all or if it was just his messed up mind that made it all up. 

“You want me to heal you, don’t you, Alec?” Alec felt Jace’s eyes burning into his, searching for something. Alec wanted to look away, but he was held captive. He felt his cheeks heating up, hoping that Jace believed his flush was still caused by their match.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Even in his own ears he sounded flat, but he was glad that he had managed to press the answer through his lips at all.

“Yeah, Alec, why wouldn’t you?” Jace hadn’t lowered his gaze nor had it lost intensity, but his grip had slightly tightened around Alec’s chin, making Alec let out a sound between wince and moan. Alec was freed from answering, as just in that moment a bunch of other Shadowhunters entered the training room, taking the stances next to theirs. Alec didn’t know if he was relieved or disappointed to get this easy way out. Probably both at the same time. 

Jace looked at him for a few seconds longer with a burning intensity before he bent down to draw an Iratze over Alec’s wrist and one over his hips. The burning sting from the runes was welcome, but Alec watched in dismay as the marks faded from purple to red to finally vanish completely. He watched Jace get up with the pliability of a cat, unable to drag his eyes away. He just looked overwhelming with his glowing runes, the thin layer of sweat and his tousled hair. 

Alec took the offered hand and let himself be pulled up. He felt strangely cold with his skin being flawless again and without Jace’s marks on him. A little warmth returned when Jace didn’t let go of his hand at once but circled his thumb over the back of his hand. Alec really had to remind himself that this didn’t mean anything.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a draining day. If Alec was honest, it had been a draining week. A draining life. He sighed when he heard the tentative knock on his office door. He had hoped to be able to finish the latest reports in peace so that he could call it a night to either train a little or curl up under his sheets to forget the world. But as the dutiful leader Alec was, he gave a curt but friendly “come in” at the knock and not the “go away” that had briefly lingered on his tongue.

“Andrew. What a pleasant surprise,” Alec said sincerely, when he saw who entered the room. And he wasn’t even lying. Andrew had maybe not become a close friend over the last couple of weeks, but he had come to value him as a co-worker and also as a person.

“Is everything alright?” Ever since Andrew had confided in Alec that he was gay himself, after Alec’s specataculour coming out in front of everyone, Alec had been secretly watching out for Andrew. He wanted to make sure that Andrew wasn’t caught in any crossfire that was probably directed at him, but went sideways as Alec was still protected by his last name; an advantage Andrew Underhill didn’t have.

“Yes, Alec. I just wanted to run an idea past you, if now is a good time…?” Andrew smiled shyly at Alec, blushing a little, not quite being able to meet Alec’s eyes. 

Though Alec had to suppress a yawn, he gestured for Andrew to sit down and go on with his idea. He smiled back at Andrew, a genuine smile, the first in the whole day that had been filled with tiring political discussions with his parents and other Clave representatives. He had seen Jace only briefly in the morning and though it was kind of ridiculous, he missed him already. Or maybe he had just missed a kind soul, as he felt himself relax while talking to Andrew. He was so deep in conversation with Andrew, who warmed up with every minute he had Alec’s undivided attention, that at first he didn’t notice Jace slipping into the room; glaring at him with an unreadable expression in his eyes and leaning against the wall with crossed arms. 

Andrew briefly turned when Alec nodded at Jace, a smile at Jace’s appearance on his lips, a frown on his forehead at his strange behaviour. But Andrew focused his attention immediately back on Alec. His smiles had become less shy while they had talked, his cheeks more flushed. He sat a little leaned-in, his hand running through his curly blond hair. His tongue darted out to lick over his lips. Jace glared more darkly at them, at which Alec’s frown intensified.

“Well, Andrew, I think your idea is really brilliant. Really. I think that could give us the lead we need to be ahead of Valentine for once. Thank you!” Andrew beamed at Alec’s praise, leaning in just a little closer, his eyes fixed on Alec.

“Well, _Andrew_ , I think it is time to leave.” Jace’s voice was cutting. He hadn’t moved an inch, he was still leaning with crossed arms against the wall next to the door. 

Both Alec and Andrew looked at him a little startled, but Andrew didn’t move. He looked questiongly at Alec.

“I. Said. Leave.” The words were spoken so low that they were barely audible. But exactly the quietness made them sound so dangerous and Andrew was quick now to comply. He nearly knocked his chair over in the haste to get up. He flashed one last smile towards Alec before he retreated, closing the door with a soft thud.

“Jace…?” Alec rose from his own chair, stepping forward towards his Parabatai. Jace’s shoulders had slightly relaxed when Andrew had left, but anger still radiated in waves off him. Jace just glared at Alec, his eyes burning holes. 

“What do you think you are doing?” Jace hissed at him, annoyance and rage clear in his tone. 

Alec looked at him, puzzled. He stepped closer and was just about to answer, when suddenly Jace moved. As still as he had stood, explosively Jace leaped into action. Within the blink of an eye Jace spun Alec around and Alec felt his hands and chest connect with the nearest wall roughly. Jace’s hot breath against his nape made Alec dizzy, as did the feeling of Jace’s chest pressing him against the wall. But what made Alec’s head truly spin were Jace’s hands, that held his wrists in an iron grip and pinned them above his head. 

“I asked you something.” It came out in hitches, each word spoken against Alec’s neck, the hot breath making Alec’s skin prickle and goosebumps spread all over his body. 

Instead of answering, Alec nearly moaned, but he bit his lips forcefully to not let it slip. “I don’t know what you mean.” He truly didn’t. He had just talked to Andrew about politics and a new strategy, nothing that could anger Jace.

Jace’s hold on him intensified at these words. Alec’s body started to tremble, the feeling of being held and Jace’s breath on his neck making him fuzzy with want and need. 

“Cut the pretence Alec. You flirted with Andrew. First Magnus, and as soon as this is over you switch to Andrew.” Jace pressed Alec even closer to the wall. Alec felt Jace’s chest heave against his back. He could feel every muscle of his trained body through the thin shirt Jace was wearing, making Alec’s head spin even faster. Jace was so close and his words left Alec speechless. Jace nearly sounded… jealous. If Alec didn't know better, he would say Jace was jealous. Alec swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple moving nearly painfully in his throat. 

“I didn’t flirt. Besides, why do you even care?” Alec stuttered, knowing he should be annoyed by this, but he couldn’t muster it. He felt a lot of things at Jace’s possessive display, annoyance was not among them. All he wanted was to press back and stay exactly where he was, held in place by Jace. 

“I care because...'' Jace went silent for a short while, the only sound that filled the air was their joint ragged breathing. “Because you are mine.” 

At that he bit down on Alec’s collarbone. Hard. His teeth were piercing Alec’s skin and small drops of blood were spilling which Jace licked away instantly. The pain and the words jolted through Alec’s body, making his knees buckle and nearly give in. If Jace had not held him, he might have fallen, but Jace was there. Just as he always was. Jace caught him when he fell, mostly before he even started to fall. 

Alec welcomed the pain, it was the first time he allowed himself to think of any of this as real. Because since when had anything ever been real without a little pain? Jace had removed his teeth from his skin, but not his lips and tongue. Jace lapped at the small wound, sucking on it, leaving a huge mark over his bite. 

“You’re mine Alec,” Jace repeated while his lips brushed over Alec’s ear, before finding their way down again to Alec’s throat, sucking another dark mark into his skin. First Jace was gentle, just caressing Alec with his lips; but then he added teeth and another jolt ran through Alec’s body. For the first time, Alec didn’t just hear the words Jace was whispering, he also registered their meaning. He started to tremble again, stronger this time but Jace had him. He increased the pressure to his wrists, his hands laying just over his pulse point, making the grip a little painful but also calming. Alec couldn’t help but press back into Jace now, allowing his body and himself to just react the way he wanted. Lost for words or coherent thoughts. He silently begged Jace not to stop, to keep going, to never let go of him. To always call him his. 

Jace didn’t stop. He kissed Alec’s nape, sucking mark after mark on his skin until it turned purple. Alec had no idea how long he stood there, encaged between the wall and Jace’s body. Just when Jace’s hands slipped under his shirt he realized that Jace had released his hold on him for a while now, but he hadn’t moved an inch. He was still standing with his hands beside his head, his body and mind more than eager to just take what Jace was giving. When Jace’s hand started to explore his chest, curling into his chest hair, tugging lightly on it, pinching his nipples, first tentatively and then, after the small moan Alec hadn’t been able to suppress more fervently, Alec couldn’t help but pant Jace’s name. 

He felt Jace shudder due to him saying his name like a prayer and suddenly Alec got turned around, his back now pressed against the wall. He blushed when he met Jace’s burning gaze that seemed to look right through him and into his soul. Jace’s hands were still on Alec’s chest, but they had stilled there, they were no longer moving. It took Alec all his willpower to not lean into the touch but stand still. He was shivering inwardly, shaken to the core. His mind needed a second to process what was happening, his body clearly was ahead of him, aching for Jace to move his hands again. 

Jace was so close, but not close enough. The small distance between them was too broad, the touch of Jace’s hands on his chest was too much and too little at the same time. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He just looked at Jace like a deer looked into the light of the car that was about to hit it, frozen in time and place. 

Alec’s skin burned where Jace’s hand came to a rest and he knew he needed to do something, say something. Jace had started this, but he was the one to end it. One way or the other. He was scared to say yes, he was scared to say no. He wanted Jace, he wanted to belong to him in every way possible. Had wanted it for so long that he couldn’t quite believe that Jace wanted that as well. He licked over his lips, still frozen and on fire at the same time. He knew Jace was waiting for something, but he just couldn’t respond. 

When Jace’s hand left Alec’s body he nearly whined at the loss. He braced himself for the moment Jace would turn around and leave him behind. He gasped in surprise when instead Jace grabbed his shirt with one hand to pull him closer and off the wall, while he entangled the other in his hair. The sharp tug made Alec’s eyes water and tilt his head, so that despite Alec being taller, he had to look up at Jace. It hurt, but it was the good kind of pain. It was the pain Alec craved, the pain that finally convinced him that Jace really meant what he had said - more than the third “mine” that Jace breathed against his mouth. 

Magnus had always been gentle with him, but he had always felt insecure. Insecure as to whether Magnus really wanted him, if he really meant to be with him and not just a pretty boy that wore his face. It hadn’t been Magnus’ fault, Alec knew that. It had been his. He had had no idea what he himself truly had wanted or needed at the time. Now, with Jace in front of him, who held him in place, he knew it. He needed to feel wanted, he needed to feel owned. By Jace, who always had owned a part of him. Part of his soul and his whole heart.

Another tug to his hair made Alec moan for real. It made him come out of his state of shock and finally he was ready to answer.

“Yours. Always yours Jace.” Alec didn’t even have time to blush before Jace’s hungry lips claimed his. 

Jace plunged his tongue into his mouth, devouring it with a force that made Alec’s knees nearly give in a second time. The rough texture of Jace’s lips felt like heaven and a shiver ran down Alec’s spine when he realized that the metallic flavor he tasted in Jace’s mouth must be the taste of his own blood. He pressed closer to Jace, who had let go of his shirt to let his hand roam over his back, up and down his spine until finally, he let it run over Alec’s ass. When Jace squeezed, Alec’s hips bucked upwards. He felt Jace’s smile at his sudden and desperate move, even though he didn’t stop kissing him. 

Alec let out a small whine when Jace pulled away, but Jace didn’t pull far. Instead of kissing Alec’s mouth, he started to kiss his chin. Jace’s tongue swirled around it, his lips sucked and his teeth scrubbed over his tactile flesh - Alec had never known how sensitive he was there. His hips had started to move of their own accord, his jeans getting impossibly tight at the friction he found against Jace’s body.

But he didn’t mind, he felt safe between Jace’s demanding mouth, his possessive hand in his hair and the other on his ass that pressed him closer. Jace’s hips mirrored his own movements and Alec got lost in all these sensations. When Jace’s lips captured his again, he was quick to open his mouth to let Jace in. Jace took possession over the kiss at once, playing with Alec’s tongue, sucking lightly on it before he started to explore Alec’s mouth more closely. He licked over his inner cheeks before he fucked in and out of his mouth with his tongue and then suddenly he bit down on Alec’s bottom lip. Alec shuddered at the sharp pain, making him lose the rest of the control he still had.

“Shh, I’ve got you.” Jace whispered while he pulled Alec even a little closer. The words made a warmth spread in Alec he hadn’t felt for a long time, maybe at all. Alec gasped in surprise when Jace let go of his hair to cup his ass with both hands and lift him up. Alec slung his legs around Jace’s waist and he enjoyed the ease with which Jace carried him to the couch in the corner of his office and placed him there, his back resting on the backrest. Jace was on top of him in a heartbeat, straddling his thighs, looking down at him with a smug smile before he started to kiss Alec again; first his lips, nipping lightly at the small bruise. The nipping was so tender and yet a little painful, the combination making Alec come undone even further. Jace sucked in Alec’s bottom lip and played with it, his lips caressing where his teeth scrubbed.

“Jace,” Alec panted, again sounding like he was praying. He wasn’t able to say more, he just held on to Jace’s name as his hands were holding on to Jace’s body.

“I have always wanted you, Alec. I want you so badly. I want to claim you, make you mine. But if I do this, I’ll never let you go again, Alec.” Jace’s voice was hoarse with want and need and dark with the promise he made that bordered on a threat. 

Alec felt the reluctance through their bond when Jace drew away to look at him. Alec’s breath caught in his throat at the power that radiated from Jace. His eyes were shining bright and intense, a promise of light and warmth in them, but also a promise of possession. Alec swallowed hard at Jace’s words, his mind still fighting the truth of them. But as if Jace knew that Alec had started to doubt, he opened his side of the bond and the mix of love, want and desire that flooded Alec made his mind finally give in to his soul and heart. 

“I can give you what you want, Alec. Please, Alec, let me give you what you need.” 

“I want you. I’ve always wanted you. I want you to make me yours.” Alec sounded breathless, but the feelings he felt echoing through the bond made all embarrassment vanish, leaving only certainty behind. 

Jace ran with his thumb over Alec’s lips, pressing lightly against the bruise before he tapped on Alec’s lips. He smiled when Alec opened up to let Jace slip his thumb in and then started to suck instantly at it. Jace started to grind against Alec with lascivious movements. Alec’s eyes widened when he heard Jace moan at the sensation, the most sinful sound he had ever heard. 

“I’ll claim you, Alec, I’ll mark you so that you will always know that you are mine.” Jace got out between two groans, his hips circling faster now. 

The sensation of Jace’s thumb in his mouth, his hard cock rubbing over his own erection, but even more the words that rang in his mind, made Alec come undone. His hips started to move intuitively, meeting Jace’s thrusts to get more of the friction he so desperately craved. When Jace started to suck at his neck again, another shiver ran over his spine and he pressed into Jace’s lips. When Jace’s teeth rubbed over his skin, piercing it slightly so that a sweet pain jolted through his body, Alec moaned helplessly around Jace’s thumb, losing the thin resolve he still clung to. Another thrust and he came, his orgasm rippling through his body, his cheeks flaming up in embarrassment. 

When he felt Jace’s smug smile against his throat, he tried to squirm away, but was firmly held in place. 

“None of that. You’ll stay where you are. I love that I can make you lose control. You should lose control more often. You’re safe with me Alec, I got you.” Jace murmured against Alec’s ear before he claimed Alec’s lips again in a heated kiss. “Now be good for me and undress yourself while I close the door properly. Will you do that for me?” Jace’s voice was soft but demanding, the combination making Alec’s cock twitch yet again, even though he had just come. 

He watched when Jace stood up while letting out a regretful sigh and strolled to the door, his hips swaying with every step. Of course Jace knew Alec was watching him with hungry eyes. When Alec saw Jace apply a locking and silencing rune to the door he recalled Jace’s order and quickly started to undress, though suddenly he felt self-conscious again. 

“Here, let me help you.” Jace knelt down beside Alec, opening his fly and pulling his jeans down, grinning when Alec lifted his ass to help him. 

Alec was stark naked now, while Jace was completely dressed. Jace’s grin widened when his eyes met Alec’s gaze, holding him captive, while he lowered himself down to suck on the head of Alec’s cock. Alec moaned helplessly, his hands digging into the cover of the couch. But he couldn’t look away; Jace’s eyes ordered him to watch. 

So Alec watched the way Jace’s tongue swirled around the head, before his cock vanished more and more in Jace’s mouth. After his first orgasm he was sensitive, and the sensation was nearly too much, but he didn’t want Jace to stop. He was helplessly lost; the way Jace held him captive with just his look left no room for interpretation of who was in charge, even if Alec was the one receiving the blow job. 

The feeling of Jace’s hot lips around his cock, the fluttering of his throat when he took him in yet another inch deeper, was overwhelming. The warmth was gone too soon and Alec couldn’t help but chase the feeling. His hips bucked upwards, but he was held in place a second later, sharp nails digging into his flesh. The challenge that flared up in Jace’s eyes made Alec shiver. 

“Let me give you what you need, Alec. I want to give that to you, I want to make you mine.” The possessiveness that bled through their bond made Alec gulp. He didn’t need to ask if Jace really knew what he wanted. The way Jace’s grip on his hips tightened, the edge of pain already passed, left a delicious sting behind and told Alec all he needed to know. 

He knew he would find Jace’s fingerprints on him, just the way he craved it. Needed it. But he had lost the capability to form proper words, so he just nodded and stammered a helpless, “Please”. But it was all Jace had needed to hear. With a groan he was all over Alec again, claiming him once more. 

Alec followed willingly the gentle but firm push, that made him lay down on the couch, instead of resting against the back. He looked up at Jace, suddenly aware of what he had done in the past and what not. Before the old insecurity could take over though, Jace had already disregarded his own shirt and pants, grinning when he saw Alec’s eyes follow his every move. 

“Have you done this before?” Jace asked huskily. 

Alec hadn’t. It had never felt right to take the next step. He and Magnus had kissed and made out, but Alec had never felt secure enough to let go fully and go further. Not like now, feeling safe with Jace’s weight on top of him, his handprints on his wrists and nail marks on his hips. 

“No, I haven’t.” Alec blushed at the confession, his cheeks just getting hotter when he felt Jace’s arousal spike in their bond. 

“That’s good. I always wanted to be your first.” A smug smile played around Jace’s lips, while he reached for his pants, fishing out a small package of lube. He ripped it open with his teeth, coating his index finger thoroughly before he sat back. Alec tried to suppress a whimper at the loss of Jace’s comforting weight on his thighs. But Jace had heard it anyway. 

“Let’s try this differently," Jace said gently. 

Alec gasped in surprise when he was suddenly manhandled so that he was now lying on his belly. 

“The next time I will watch your face while my fingers breach you. How I make room in you for me. But I promised to give you what you need; and I think you need to feel me more right now.” 

Jace’s words, together with his raspy voice, full of need and love, made Alec shiver in anticipation. He sighed contently when he felt Jace’s weight again. Jace had settled down on his side, laying half on top of him and half on the side. Jace’s lips found Alec’s collarbone again, the spot where he had first bitten him, and he started to suck there, his tongue circling the small wound while his lubed finger found Alec’s entrance. 

Alec relaxed into the sucking, helpless moans spilling out of his mouth when Jace started to circle his hole. Jace’s hot finger felt right somehow and he wished Jace would push in. But Jace took his time. He pressed slightly without pushing in, circling again, rubbing over the sensitive spot while still sucking at Alec’s neck until Alec was a withering mess under him. Just then Jace took mercy and started to push in, first slowly; but, when Alec immediately pushed back, faster. 

Alec yelped at the intrusion. It burned slightly, but in a good way. In a way that promised more and promised another feeling that lay just a heartbeat away. He pushed back further, wanting to feel Jace deeper inside him. He heard Jace chuckle when a _please_ dropped out of his mouth; not against his will but not wilfully either. 

Jace listened and Alec felt another finger pressing at his entrance. The second burned a little more, but it also felt better. Jace had started to curl his fingers, while he pushed them in and out of him at a steady pace. Alec was already panting, his hard cock trapped under his belly. His moans increased when Jace added a third. Alec felt stretched and full, but he knew he wanted more. He wanted to feel Jace for real. 

“Are you ready for me?” Jace’s voice was soft and loving, the commanding undertone gone, leaving the choice completely to Alec. 

At that tone, Alec’s body heated up even more. As much as he wanted to feel owned, as much he cherished that Jace left him this important choice, he was ready. He had always been ready for Jace. 

“Yes. Please, Jace.” Alec was needy and his words mirrored that, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to feel Jace, feel him mark him from the inside as he had already done on the outside. 

Jace’s weight was gone with his words, but Jace made sure to keep one hand on his back for Alec to feel him the whole time. Instinctively Alec pushed his hips upwards, to give Jace a better angle. With a sigh, Jace lined himself up and both men groaned when Jace pushed in. Alec’s groans were slightly painted with pain, but pleasure was soon taking over. Jace went in slowly, giving Alec enough time to relax and get used to the feeling of being fully breached. 

Alec sighed when he felt Jace lowering himself down on him while pushing in further, reaching spots inside him Alec had never thought possible. Jace interlaced their hands with one hand, while he slung one arm possessively under Alec’s upper body, so that his hand came to a rest on his throat. Alec leaned into the touch, relishing the feeling of Jace’s tight hand around his throat. 

Finally, Jace started to move for real. He covered Alec’s body fully with his own and when his hips rolled forward, Alec got lost. He got lost in the sensation of Jace’s hand that stroked his Adam’s apple, squeezing his throat from time to time so that Alec was even more breathless than before. He got lost in Jace’s other hand that held his own down in front of his head, immobilizing him. He was lost to the way Jace felt on top of him, encaging him with his weight so that all he could do was lay still and push up his hips to meet his thrusts. 

But foremost he got lost in the sensation of Jace’s cock pounding into him. He had long lost control over the sounds that spilled out of him, not caring how needy and wrecked he sounded. He just wanted more. He wanted to feel Jace even closer, he wanted to hear more of Jace’s own moans that he panted into his ear, he wanted to feel Jace’s cock deeper inside his ass. The sting had long made way to only pleasure, the little pain left just adding to it. With each of Jace’s powerful thrusts Alec gave up a little more of the control he normally clung to, Jace’s overwhelming presence making it not necessary. Jace had him, no matter what. 

“You feel so good, Alec. I’m so close,” Jace murmured into Alec’s ear, making goosebumps spread even though Alec didn’t really get the meaning of the words, too lost in his own sensations. 

But when Jace groaned one last time, his balls nestling snuggly against his ass while he pushed in as deep as he could get to pump him full of his cum, it took Alec only seconds to follow. His second orgasm was nearly painful; it ran through his body, leaving him in a shuddering mess.

Jace let go of his hands to stroke his damp hair tenderly. “Shh, I’ve got you Alec. I’m here.” And he was. His weight was comforting, as was his other hand that was still closed possessively around his throat, Jace’s thumb rubbing over his sensitive skin. They lay like this for what felt like hours and seconds at the same time, enjoying this moment. A moment of peace in all the madness that surrounded them. 

Alec couldn’t help but whine when Jace started to carefully pull out of him, but Jace swallowed the little sounds he was making by kissing him deeply, making up for the loss. When Jace rolled off him, Alec started to feel lost in a completely different way - but not for long. Jace was quick to nudge him so that Alec turned to his side, before Jace slung one leg around him and pulled him close, until Alec relaxed again. 

“You’re so beautiful, Alec.” Jace let his hand roam over Alec’s body, mapping out the marks he had left on his skin. The red marks on his throat, the purple ones on Alec’s wrist and the nail-shaped marks on his hip. 

Alec leaned into the touch, relishing the feeling of Jace’s hands on his exposed skin. He felt warm, safe and owned when Jace pushed a little at the bruises, the pain grounding Alec even more. 

“Do you really think so?” Alec looked up at Jace to find the truth in his eyes he was hoping to see. 

“Yes. You look perfect like this. Beautiful, wrecked, mine.” Jace sounded soft but powerful and Alec believed him. Between Jace’s leg that lay possessively over him, his hand that still caressed his marked skin and his open look, there was just no room for not believing, for doubting himself. 

“Yours,” he whispered before he closed his eyes with a content sigh.


	3. Chapter 3

At first, it was enough. Alec started to wear longsleeves even though it was just late August and the sun was rather warm. But Alec wanted to see the marks Jace left on him, he wanted to be able to touch the bruises and feel the dull pain and the sharp memory whenever he needed it. He didn’t dare to leave the marks on his neck though, not knowing how to pull off wearing a turtle neck in late summer. But Jace and his marks kept him stable and steady. Every day Jace made it clear that he loved Alec the way he had always wanted. Made it clear with the way he whispered Alec’s name, by the way he marked Alec from the inside and the outside, leaving again no room for doubt. Until room was made by others. 

When the days got shorter and Alec’s nights longer again, the pressure of the Clave increasing, the disappointed looks from his parents more pointed, the threat of war becoming more real, Alec started to get blurry around the edges. He trained harder again, forgetting to bandage his hands on purpose to see the marks on the punching bag he could leave behind. But this time, Jace didn’t let it slide. He pushed until Alec broke, just to put him back together again, with his care and love as glue so that Alec came out stronger than before. Giving up control to someone Alec trusted with more than his life and who clearly craved to gain control as much as Alec craved to lose it, was the most liberating experience in his life. But even Jace couldn’t prevent Alec from his own thoughts. 

Alec just couldn’t help but to wait for the second shoe to drop. And it dropped. Valentine had stolen the Soul Sword and the Mortal Cup, he knew where the Mortal Mirror was. The scale tipped towards war in the Shadow World, but what shattered Alec’s world was not this. It was the revelation that Clary was not Jace’s sister. They were not related, they didn’t share a single drop of blood. He saw Clary’s looks that lingered on Jace too long again, in the way her looks had at the beginning when everything had started to fall apart. There was a heat in her stares that sucked the warmth out of Alec and left him in the dark. 

* * *

Alec glared at his friends and his lover: Parabatai. As Jace was only allowed to be his lover in the secret of their rooms, in the quietness of a dark alley - stolen moments that Alec was afraid he had to return soon. His hand was clasped around his own wrist, his thumb brushing over the slowly fading marks Jace had left behind already a couple of days ago. There was not much time for quietness and secrecy at the brink of war. 

Though he tried, he couldn’t concentrate on the plan of action the others were discussing to stop Valentine. He saw their mouths move, he saw eyes light up and cheeks flush, the more intense the discussion got. He just heard fragments of sentences that went by in a blur without really being able to catch the meaning. He pulled at the collar of his bomber jacket, trying to loosen it as he just couldn’t breathe properly. 

“So it is decided. We’re going to Lake Lyn, you others take care of the demons that flood New York and the other major cities," Jace announced, sounding sure and firm.

The words hit Alec like a blow. Worse than a blow. They knocked all remaining air out of his lungs and he choked, his chest way too tight for his feverish beating heart. He saw Clary beaming at Jace who nodded back at her, a smile on his lips that Alec knew just too well. Jace’s confident smile that was bordering on reckless which he always wore before a battle. But this time it was not directed at him, it was directed at Clary. He, Alec, was supposed to stay behind, to break the oath they had spoken in the holy rings of fire. _For whither thou goest, I will go…_

And suddenly Alec couldn’t anymore. He just turned and fled the room, his last bit of control needing to not start running at once but keep his pace measured until he was out of the room. As soon as the door closed behind him though, he ran. Faster than in his dreams, though the darkness was the same. He gasped in surprise when suddenly fresh air hit him. He had run to the rooftop. His hands found the balustrade and he grabbed it, holding on to it until his knuckles turned white and his veins popped out blue. Jace would go with Clary, like probably he had always wanted. To go with Clary. And now they could, there was no taboo between them any longer, no taboo like there was between him and Jace. And he should be happy for Jace, he really should. Jace should be happy and he should let go. He should have never let all of this happen, he should have never let Jace get too much involved with him.

Alec didn’t need the tug in their bond nor the steady _clung_ Jace’s heels made on the ground to announce that he was coming. He knew he was there, but he didn’t turn around. He just couldn’t. 

“Alec.” 

It was the mix of annoyance, despair, love and fear that Jace managed to place in his name that made Alec turn and stare at Jace. Jace stood in front of him, legs apart, a frown on his face. The moment their eyes met, Jace leaped forward. Jace’s hands found their way beneath Alec’s jacket and into the flesh of his hips, pressing his back against the balustrade, his lips seeking and finding the spot Jace had bitten the first time they had made out in his office. 

“What do I have to do to make you believe me, Alec? That you truly believe me and stop doubting me, us?” The sadness in those words made Alec swallow hard. He didn’t doubt Jace. He didn’t doubt them. Not for real. He just doubted himself, but in a way, he understood that now, how this made him.

“I’m sorry, Jace.” Alec bit down on his lip to contain himself. He really was sorry. 

“Don’t be sorry, Alec. Tell me what you need.” Jace’s lips were close to Alec’s ear, his voice low, caring but also a little helpless.

Alec knew what he needed. He needed Jace to carve his name into his skin with his teeth and nails, he needed Jace to claim him even further. But he was still lost as to voice that. Instead he tried to open their bond as much as he could, letting their connection speak where he couldn’t. 

It seemed Jace understood. He started to suck and bite, his fingers digging even deeper into Alec’s skin until he hissed and tried to squirm away, but with no leave between the balustrade, Jace’s hands and Jace himself. When Jace finally kissed him, Alec was calmer. He could breathe again and his heart had long started to mirror Jace’s steady beat. Their kiss turned from claiming to soft and sweet and Alec let himself fall, knowing Jace was there. They kissed until their lungs screamed for air and Jace drew away with a small sigh, but a determined expression on his face.

“Are you helping me to kill my father now or what?” Jace’s questioning eyes burned into Alec’s and he felt himself blush.

“What, did you think I would go to Lake Lyn without you? We’re Parabatai, Alec. We will always be Parabatai. I need you to have my back there,” Jace huffed out in a laugh, but the disbelief was clear in his voice. 

“True. You’re reckless.” Alec gave back while relief flooded his body. Relief and warmth. Maybe he should have paid better attention to their plan.

Now Jace huffed for real. “I’m not reckless. Tell me one time I have not been careful.” 

“One time? Wait, I have made a list. How much time do you have?” Alec couldn’t help but feel carefree and a little reckless himself now. For the first time he realized, truly realized, that Jace was here to stay. Even if they wouldn’t work out in the way both hoped, they were Parabatai. They would always be Parabatai, chosen soulmates. 

Alec felt Jace’s grin when the blond crashed their lips together in one last kiss before they had to go back to the others and into battle. Jace was breathless when he drew away and Alec’s lips red, swollen and a little bruised, just the way both liked them to be.

“That’s why I have you, Parabatai. I know you have my back.”

And Alec had Jace’s back. Just when the father was about to kill the son and an angel was about to rise over the cold surface of Lake Lyn, Alec’s arrow buried itself deep into Valentine’s throat, painting him and Jace with his warm blood that splashed out of the wound immediately. The sword that was meant to kill missed Jace’s heart and got stopped by the rib cage instead. Jace’s surprised yelp of pain echoed in the otherwise quiet night, mirrored only by Alec’s scream. Before Jace could hit the ground Alec was already there to catch him, a stele ready in hand. He drew one Iratze and immediately a second and they lit up like a fire lit up a dark night, knitting the flesh back together that had been torn apart. 

“See. I’m always careful,” Jace managed to joke between gritted teeth, the pain and betrayal still audible before he was successfully silenced by Alec’s lips, who didn’t care if it was Valentine’s blood he tasted on Jace’s lips or Jace’s; who didn’t care that probably Clary was watching. It all didn’t matter as long as Jace’s heart was still beating and his lips were still kissing him back with the same hunger as always. 

  
  


* * *

Things calmed after Valentine’s death. Until they found out that Valentine’s real son was not better than the father and planned to create an army of soulless monsters. The pressure that shortly had relented picked up pace again and Alec felt it wear him down. He sighed inwardly when he tried to focus on the meeting, another fruitless political discussion about how to stop Jonathan Morgenstern. He felt a headache start to build and he rubbed at his temples, trying to contain it. 

A familiar tug to his rune made him relax a little. When his shoulders slumped down, the headache retreated. Jace. He was waiting for him outside. Alec was the first to rise when the meeting was over and without looking to the side, he slipped out of the door. He smiled when he saw the familiar figure leaning against the opposite wall, a smug smile playing around his lips.

Jace held out his hand and Alec took it without hesitation. They still had to hide, but Alec had become more reckless with showing affection. They were Parabatai after all. Still, he couldn’t carry Jace’s marks openly, a fact he still struggled with. He hated it when he had to make the signs of him belonging to Jace vanish every time Jace left them on him.

He let himself be pulled in whatever direction Jace was heading. It was already late, after ten and he was drained. Not so much physically, but emotionally. He sighed relieved when Jace opened the door to his room and gave Alec a little nudge to make him step inside.

He went straight to the bed and let himself fall on it, while Jace applied the usual runes - locking and silencing. He turned to watch Alec, fidgeting with his stele, his grin from before deepening. 

“You know what day tomorrow is, don’t you, Alec?” Jace asked, the mischief radiating from him.

A look of horror washed briefly over Alec’s face. It was his birthday. He had never liked his birthday, never liked to be in the center of attention. He preferred the shadows, leaving the light to others. To Jace.

“Please, tell me you don’t have…?” Alec’s voice was trailing away, the thought of having to endure any sort of party or gathering paralyzing him.

Jace just laughed, coming closer with huge steps like the predator he was. “Do I look like I am the one to share?”

And Alec couldn’t help but smile back. In fact, Jace didn’t. He was definitely not someone to share, at least not when it came down to Alec.

He was on top of Alec a second later, straddling his thighs while he grabbed Alec’s hair, tilting his head back forcefully so that both moaned, one at the sight, the other at the sting and feeling of being owned. 

“I thought that as your birthday is just tomorrow, I’ll get my present first and you later yours.” Jace rolled his hips pointedly forward, rubbing with his own already half hard cock over Alec’s dick. He increased the tug, making Alec look up further, only giving in when a first tear started to prickle and fall. With a moan Jace licked it away before he licked into Alec’s eagerly opened mouth. 

“And why do you think you deserve a present?” Alec managed to ask teasingly. But Alec knew he was kidding no one, he was already way too gone for this to stop, besides, why should he ever want to stop? With a groan he gave in to Jace’s demanding lips and hands, sinking back on the bed, giving Jace all control.

* * *

“Happy birthday, my love.” Jace had started to call Alec that in private and it never missed the intention. The warmth that spread through Alec’s body was all consuming. A radiant smile lit up Alec’s face, way more due to the words than to the present that Jace shoved in his hand - though he had to admit that he was curious what was inside the small, square box. They still lay naked on the bed, curled into each other, enjoying the aftermath of a joint orgasm. 

Jace’s smile was a little wary, which just fueled Alec’s curiosity. With impatient fingers he untied the bow and tore apart the wrapping paper. When he opened the box, he drew in a shaky breath. His hands trembled lightly when he took the item out. His fingers brushed nearly shyly over the thin, but soft leather. The leather had a deep rich black color, all edges were thoroughly rounded. One side was padded so that it was even softer. His fingers brushed over the closure that was made out of silver gun metal, matching the black color of the leather. 

“Do you like it?” Jace’s unsure voice startled Alec, he had been completely lost in thought. If he liked it? It was perfect. More than perfect actually. It was a collar. But not just any collar. Jace’s and his initials were carved into the soft leather, next to a rune Alec had never seen. It was a collar specifically made for him. The collar was thin enough to not disturb, but broad enough to be felt. 

“It’s perfect, Jace. Can you..?” He was slightly trembling when he handed the collar to Jace.

“Hell yeah.” Jace took the collar happily, before he kissed Alec possessively. “To remind you that you are mine, Alec. Always mine.” 

With gentle fingers he slung the collar around Alec’s neck, closing it until it sat snuggly against Alec’s throat. Alec couldn’t help the moan when he felt the smooth leather against his skin. It felt tight, but not so tight that it was uncomfortable. It just felt good. And Jace was right, the gentle pressure reminded him to whom he belonged.

“You look so beautiful, Alec. So damn beautiful.” Jace was clearly in awe. His hands brushed over the soft leather, before he started to kiss Alec’s throat just above the collar. Alec’s moans got louder and he pushed back into Jace’s lips. 

“I wish I could wear it all the time.” Alec sounded wrecked already, all post coital sleepiness from before gone.

“Oh, you can.” Alec didn’t even have to look at Jace to know the smug expression on his face. “You know, Clary is not the only one who can invent runes. If you activate the small rune next to our letters, the collar will be hidden from sight. It is like a glamour, only more powerful. No Warlock or Seelie, Shadowhunter or anyone will see the collar. Only you and me will know that it is there.” 

Alec looked at Jace, speechless. He knew it was what he wanted, needed. The touch of the leather would be his reminder in times he got stressed, his light when he was about to get lost. It was Jace’s collar and he would proudly wear it. 

“I love you.” The words were out before he could think about them for too long. The words had been true for years, and had become even truer in recent days. But he had never said them, and neither had Jace. He had called him _my love_ , he had said that he was his, but never the three words spoken out loud.

Jace’s eyes widened a little in surprise before they lit up bright. “I love you too.” 

Alec smiled when Jace grabbed the collar to pull him closer to be able to kiss him properly.

It was dark outside but Alec realized that for him, the sun had not set in a long time, not since the day in his office where everything had started.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments & kudos are loved 💙


End file.
